There are a lot of changes that are going to be happening in the coming months, personally and for the business.
This journey of finding my wild spirit, and knowing that this is where I am meant to show up is truly a gift. I have been on this journey for a long time. This is me when I first started to learn tarot, and a lot has changed, including the hair.
This is me back where and when it all started. Looking back at this person, I feel a deep love for her trust and commitment, and I tell her thank you for the path that she started to build to get me to this point, where it all changes again.
About a year ago, I started to wonder if I was in alignment anymore with Tea and Tombstones. I, along with others, loved the name, but there was just this deep restlessness with it. There was an edge there, somewhere. Every time I sat down to sit with it, I felt the edge, like trying to cut something with a dull knife and all that happens is it just pushes and squishes everything down.
I figured that it was because I was still struggling in certain areas.
I figured that it was because I moving through a lot of other changes personally, and this was the rebound.
The fact is…it was the rebound, but not in the way I thought. It was the rebound because it was speaking to where I wasn’t aligned. I was re-aligning in other ways, and this was the mirror, the echo back to me of what was still dislocated.
At one point it got pretty bad, to the point where I was questioning, doubting, and wanting to walk away from the whole thing. I was ready to take Tea and Tombstones (all of it ) offline, and never let it return.
After having a conversation with another tarot reader, one I love and admire, she helped remind me of what that girl in that photo above was building. This reader helped me see that this is my path, in some way or form. This will always be with me because it’s not trendy or cute for me, it is a part of who I am. That conversation reminded me that I am a damn good tarot reader, and I am grateful for the readers in my community that bring me back to my strengths, and humble me. I am grateful for every friend that lent an ear to this discussion.
So, after a year of sitting with this edge, trying to figure out if I want to sharpen it or let it go and begin again. I have decided that I am beginning again. Like a snake shedding the skin, I remove this layer, give death to this space, changed and whole still.
The cards that helped me decide to make this change
True to form, when I knew I had to make the choice, I turned to the cards and I thought I would break down my spread so you can share in this reading with me, and also see how to potentially to approach readings like this for yourself. I used my Wild Unknown tarot deck. Seeing that this is the deck that I learned on, it felt right to use it here to make this decision.
I apologize that the image is a little blurry on the right side, but this is the spread that I pulled.
The left column is Option A: Keeping my name, and the potential outcome if I keep my name. The cards that came forward were the 9 of Cups and the Son (Knight) of Cups.
The right column is Option B: Changing my name, and the potential outcome of changing my name. The cards that came forward were the Daughter (Page) of Pentacles and the Daughter (Page) of Wands.
The card in the middle is the energy I need to use and tap into regardless of what option I choose. The card that came forward was the Father (King) of Cups.
So, let’s break down.
One of the first things I notice is that my spread is all Cups and Court Cards (with Daughters showing up twice) and one Wand. That tells me immediately that I am working with energies of intuition and emotions and also a need to embody this path forward, no matter which one I choose.
Option A looked really good to me at first. Honestly, when the cards came forward I had this immediate, kneejerk reaction that this was the option I should choose.
But then Option B came forward. Two Daughters….?! Like all things, my path and my choices were not going to be straightforward, and like the Father in the middle (which I will get into), I need to trust myself and my intuition.
So, this is how I read my spread……..
Option A / Keeping my name is the 9 of Cups. Nines are about gestation, fruition, spiritual and sacred fulfillment and cycles, transition and transformation. Cups again are emotions, intuitions, symbols, dreams, and sacred connection. Even looking at the image we see nine cups in what looks like some kind of gathering, with the crescent moon at the top, completing the circle. This speaks to the need to invite in the energetic, mystical, or magickal energies to these interconnective spaces.
This card speaks to the fact that in some way, even if I keep the name, I have already moved through some sort of emotional cycle and transformation. Something new would come in anyway. The Son of Cups repeats this invitation. All of the Sons speak to moving and rising into something. The Knights are the movers and the shakers. They are there to teach us how to embody moving on our paths, shaking off the deadweight as we go. To me this card was saying that if I kept the name, I would still have to find a new path and shake off my doubts, emotions, and find alignment somehow.
Let’s move to Option B / Changing my name
The first card is the main energy of changing my name and I got the Daughter of Pentacles. All of the Daughters (Pages) are earth-elemental which speaks to bringing forward dreams to manifest in reality. The Pages are the dreamers and the visionaries. They bridge the dreams, the possibilities, the liminal, the imagined with the here and now. They bring all that forward and root it in this physical. Pentacles speak to the same thing as Pentacles are in the element of earth. Here, we have the true double-earth daughter in the fawn. Fragile, shaky, and completely vulnerable, fawns are also equipped with everything to rise into strong spirits of the forest. The fawn looks like everything is stacked against her, but she was made for this space.
The rainbow brings energies of awe, wonder, full-spectrum light, hope, beauty, and blessings. Rainbows make you stop in your tracks and just take them in. The next card was the Daughter of Wands, so we have the same earth energy from before, but now we pair it with fire- the element of transformation, spirit, change, power, passion, and innovation.
At this point, I felt completely stuck. Both options look really good. So, I pulled a card to see what energy I need to tap into regardless of option I choose, and I picked the Father of Cups. Fathers are the influencers, forebears, advisors, and the transformers. Cups, we’ve discussed. This said to me that no matter what I do, I need to trust my emotions and intuition as I move into new spaces, with or without the name.
This card also said to me that I am my own guide and influence for change. Yes, I have people, spirits, places, and things that I can use as a resource, a guide, or a support system, but at the end of the day, I have to make these decisions and stand by them. I am King unto me.
Deep in my heart, I knew that the answer was to change my business name. I knew that I am in a space to embody a more aligned, centered, and authentic energy, and with those two Daughters, I am in a space of bridging new dreams into being.
If you are looking at an option spread, break down the numbers, elements, what shows up the most, or the least. You could look at the directions the animals are facing. You could look at colors, even the directions of lines to help you make your decisions.
Trusting the process
So, this is my new name and my new logo. I have been using the term wolf-child for years, and now I am embracing it fully.
Not going to lie, there is a part of me that is scared. I have built a sizable foundation, including big and small things like logos, business cards, merch, and domains. There is another part of me that is just kind of crushed to let go of something so sacred to me. I still remember sitting in Maria Empanada’s restaurant on Broadway in the heart of Denver and telling my oldest friend the name of Tea and Tombstones.
It’s hard, and there have been tears, but I am also so excited. I feel so deeply connected to this energy, to this animal, to this land, that I already feel home. I am already howling. If you have been with me for any length of time, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It truly means the world to me. There will be lots of changes going forward, but I am excited, ready, and dreaming. Much love.